Starting weight 151.2 (June 5, 2018)
MW: 145.2
What happens when I go MIA for several months? Gaining weight mostly. I promise I'm back on the wagon for good. I can't go on like this. I can't keep gaining weight. I'm so uncomfortable, flabby, and unhappy. Tomorrow makes a two week streak of good days. I've been diligent on exercising every day, sometimes twice a day. I tried weight watchers-- that didn't fucking work-- so I'm ack to counting calories. I've been purging more, but I am honestly trying to stop. I'm working 21 days in a row at the moment so I don't have access to be home alone to b/p. I always end up gaining weight when I'm purging more so it's just a false sense of security. It helps relieve anxiety attacks, but it doesn't do anything for weight loss. I have that binge mentality when I'm anxious... I want to eat a whole bag of candy but both of my jobs have public restrooms so I do not have access to purge. The restrictive mindset is gradual, as with any lifestyle change so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself just yet.
I was going back to read the rest of my old blogs. I miss being able to restrict. Being in such control. But I'm also not dependent on alcohol like I was. I'll drink 2 or 3 times a year now, usually a holiday or celebration with friends. Five years ago it was a different story. I was in a very dark place. I'm so glad that part of my life is behind me.
I'm a little irritated that I haven't lost anything more than 6 lbs in the two weeks that I've been diligent about restricting and exercising more. I did just start my period this morning (seven fucking days late) so bloating may be a factor. And I'm lifting weights too, not just running. So I have lost more inches than pounds in the last month. I'll have to post stats soon and I plan on updating monthly.
We are planning a vacation to Disney in late fall and last time we were there I was around 125 lbs. I can definitely get there again by the end of October. My husband wants to start trying for a baby after we come back from vacation... I'm not sure how I feel about that but I know I'm not getting any younger. I'm not ready for the weight gain and stretch marks and lifestyle change. But who ever is?
My plan is to be moderately restrictive and exercise daily. I've been eating around 800-1200 calories a day and exercising 1-2 hours. I'll pair an hour run with an hour walk or 30 minute run with an hour of weight lifting. So I am eating more than my usual restrictive intake but I am also exercising more.
Off to bed, lots of work to do tomorrow. It's good to see a few of you still posting. I miss the community <3
Welcome back! :) 6lbs in two weeks is huge. I know it never seems like enough, but imagine how much it add up after a few months. Plus with so much exercise, you're definitely going to be gaining muscle even as the scales go down.
ReplyDeleteTake care, and come back and update us soon! xxxx