Still going

MW: 141.8
GW1: 140

The last several days have been very encouraging. My determination has been strong. Someone brought in dark-chocolate reese's to work and while everyone dove in I just stayed busy enough to avoid them. Day four is usually when my willpower tend to trail off and I binge and undo all the progress that I've already made. Also, when yo-yo dieting in the past I tend to plateau at 141.8 for several days and end up binging my way pack up to 147. I have so many reasons to stay on track. I have a friend's wedding coming up. My own birthday is only a few months away. Summer.

My intake has been 600-750 kcal and I've been exercising in the mornings which burn around 500-650.  I'm home alone the next two days then I work the weekend. I thought that restricting would be difficult with the 12-hour shifts that I work but having all my meals planned out and pre-made is extremely comforting. Being home alone used to be a huge trigger but today I feel relaxed knowing that I don't have to answer to anyone. My husband is going to a fancy dinner tonight (its a lecture that's sponsored by a drug company) and had invited me to go but I declined. I don't feel like I'm missing out, I just keep thinking about how awful I'm going to feel in the morning after that huge meal. I don't want to subject myself to a 4-course meal covered in oil, butter, sugar, and salt after I've done so well the last several days. If I can just keep on track long enough to break into the 130's I'll know I'm on track and not destined to yo-yo again.

My husband used to make fun of how skinny I was, calling me things like slenderman or praying mantis. Honestly I found this funny and encouraging. Those little nicknames have gradually become fewer and far between as I have put on these 20 lbs. An old photo popped up on my facebook and I remember I was 122 that day. I looked so much better then and I can't wait to get back to that point or lower. Maybe then my clothes will fit again. I'm not naïve enough to think that being skinner will make me happy, but I will be happier. I won't cringe seeing photos of myself. I won't be afraid to try on clothes. I just have to stay focused until I can get there.