MW: 144.4
GW2: 140
Not a huge weight difference since last month's update but I have an INCH off my bust, waist, hips, and each thigh. I have been lifting heavier weights and more often so I'm sure I have lost more fat than pounds. I'm not trying to bulk up. I certainly don't want to look like one of those cross-fit girls who are bulky. I'm aiming for long, lean muscles. Its encouraging seeing my body being able to lift heavier weights. I don't want to get crazy about it though. Still love running the most.
I've been doing a mostly paleo diet, which has been tricky because my diet is mostly pescatarian. I haven't had red meat in over 15 years. Basically I'm just avoiding processed foods and dairy. Dairy because I've noticed it's causing tummy issues and I tend to break out after having high volumes of milk-containing products.
Yesterday, I had an awesome workout (burned around 900 calories in 2 hours). My intake was significantly more than what I had planned. I felt so lethargic in the afternoon. Serious brain fog. I wouldn't call it a binge, because I was eating small meals (200 calories) to try and boost energy and not feel so lethargic. Ended up eating 1400 calories but I truly felt like I was in a deficit all day.
Today I tried to train a little harder to offset the intake from yesterday as well as utilize all that energy. I burned about 1200 calories over the course of 2.5 hours. Various cardio today. My intake is planned around 880. Below is a sample of what I eat while trying to limit processed food.
I do recognize that I still suffer from bulimia. Honestly I thought I would "grow out of it". But this isn't the case. I still have binging tendencies and I do still purge when I have access to. On a bad day, I'll devour ungodly amounts of candy or pastries or whatever is hanging around. This usually happens at work where we only have access to a public restroom and I don't have the "luxury" of purging. So over time this has slowly morphed into exercise bulimia. I love exercising, even to the point of exhaustion. And it is better than purging I guess. I have access to purge at home on my days off but I have tried to avoid it. I know it doesn't all come up and I'm left with hundreds of calories that ultimately lead to weight gain and plateaus. Restricting is the only reliable means to lose weight. My lowest weights were at times when I wasn't purging, because I wasn't binging either. One day at a time, right?
Intake:
B- coffee with coconut milk and banana (118)
L- Egg white omelet with spinach, feta, and roasted eggplant (309)
D- Asian seared shrimp and cabbage (231)
S- Vegan mocha protein smoothie (225)
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
Saturday, July 14, 2018
Back from hiding
Starting weight 151.2 (June 5, 2018)
MW: 145.2
What happens when I go MIA for several months? Gaining weight mostly. I promise I'm back on the wagon for good. I can't go on like this. I can't keep gaining weight. I'm so uncomfortable, flabby, and unhappy. Tomorrow makes a two week streak of good days. I've been diligent on exercising every day, sometimes twice a day. I tried weight watchers-- that didn't fucking work-- so I'm ack to counting calories. I've been purging more, but I am honestly trying to stop. I'm working 21 days in a row at the moment so I don't have access to be home alone to b/p. I always end up gaining weight when I'm purging more so it's just a false sense of security. It helps relieve anxiety attacks, but it doesn't do anything for weight loss. I have that binge mentality when I'm anxious... I want to eat a whole bag of candy but both of my jobs have public restrooms so I do not have access to purge. The restrictive mindset is gradual, as with any lifestyle change so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself just yet.
I was going back to read the rest of my old blogs. I miss being able to restrict. Being in such control. But I'm also not dependent on alcohol like I was. I'll drink 2 or 3 times a year now, usually a holiday or celebration with friends. Five years ago it was a different story. I was in a very dark place. I'm so glad that part of my life is behind me.
I'm a little irritated that I haven't lost anything more than 6 lbs in the two weeks that I've been diligent about restricting and exercising more. I did just start my period this morning (seven fucking days late) so bloating may be a factor. And I'm lifting weights too, not just running. So I have lost more inches than pounds in the last month. I'll have to post stats soon and I plan on updating monthly.
We are planning a vacation to Disney in late fall and last time we were there I was around 125 lbs. I can definitely get there again by the end of October. My husband wants to start trying for a baby after we come back from vacation... I'm not sure how I feel about that but I know I'm not getting any younger. I'm not ready for the weight gain and stretch marks and lifestyle change. But who ever is?
My plan is to be moderately restrictive and exercise daily. I've been eating around 800-1200 calories a day and exercising 1-2 hours. I'll pair an hour run with an hour walk or 30 minute run with an hour of weight lifting. So I am eating more than my usual restrictive intake but I am also exercising more.
Off to bed, lots of work to do tomorrow. It's good to see a few of you still posting. I miss the community <3
MW: 145.2
What happens when I go MIA for several months? Gaining weight mostly. I promise I'm back on the wagon for good. I can't go on like this. I can't keep gaining weight. I'm so uncomfortable, flabby, and unhappy. Tomorrow makes a two week streak of good days. I've been diligent on exercising every day, sometimes twice a day. I tried weight watchers-- that didn't fucking work-- so I'm ack to counting calories. I've been purging more, but I am honestly trying to stop. I'm working 21 days in a row at the moment so I don't have access to be home alone to b/p. I always end up gaining weight when I'm purging more so it's just a false sense of security. It helps relieve anxiety attacks, but it doesn't do anything for weight loss. I have that binge mentality when I'm anxious... I want to eat a whole bag of candy but both of my jobs have public restrooms so I do not have access to purge. The restrictive mindset is gradual, as with any lifestyle change so I'm trying not to be too hard on myself just yet.
I was going back to read the rest of my old blogs. I miss being able to restrict. Being in such control. But I'm also not dependent on alcohol like I was. I'll drink 2 or 3 times a year now, usually a holiday or celebration with friends. Five years ago it was a different story. I was in a very dark place. I'm so glad that part of my life is behind me.
I'm a little irritated that I haven't lost anything more than 6 lbs in the two weeks that I've been diligent about restricting and exercising more. I did just start my period this morning (seven fucking days late) so bloating may be a factor. And I'm lifting weights too, not just running. So I have lost more inches than pounds in the last month. I'll have to post stats soon and I plan on updating monthly.
We are planning a vacation to Disney in late fall and last time we were there I was around 125 lbs. I can definitely get there again by the end of October. My husband wants to start trying for a baby after we come back from vacation... I'm not sure how I feel about that but I know I'm not getting any younger. I'm not ready for the weight gain and stretch marks and lifestyle change. But who ever is?
My plan is to be moderately restrictive and exercise daily. I've been eating around 800-1200 calories a day and exercising 1-2 hours. I'll pair an hour run with an hour walk or 30 minute run with an hour of weight lifting. So I am eating more than my usual restrictive intake but I am also exercising more.
Off to bed, lots of work to do tomorrow. It's good to see a few of you still posting. I miss the community <3
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Still going
MW: 141.8
GW1: 140
The last several days have been very encouraging. My determination has been strong. Someone brought in dark-chocolate reese's to work and while everyone dove in I just stayed busy enough to avoid them. Day four is usually when my willpower tend to trail off and I binge and undo all the progress that I've already made. Also, when yo-yo dieting in the past I tend to plateau at 141.8 for several days and end up binging my way pack up to 147. I have so many reasons to stay on track. I have a friend's wedding coming up. My own birthday is only a few months away. Summer.
My intake has been 600-750 kcal and I've been exercising in the mornings which burn around 500-650. I'm home alone the next two days then I work the weekend. I thought that restricting would be difficult with the 12-hour shifts that I work but having all my meals planned out and pre-made is extremely comforting. Being home alone used to be a huge trigger but today I feel relaxed knowing that I don't have to answer to anyone. My husband is going to a fancy dinner tonight (its a lecture that's sponsored by a drug company) and had invited me to go but I declined. I don't feel like I'm missing out, I just keep thinking about how awful I'm going to feel in the morning after that huge meal. I don't want to subject myself to a 4-course meal covered in oil, butter, sugar, and salt after I've done so well the last several days. If I can just keep on track long enough to break into the 130's I'll know I'm on track and not destined to yo-yo again.
My husband used to make fun of how skinny I was, calling me things like slenderman or praying mantis. Honestly I found this funny and encouraging. Those little nicknames have gradually become fewer and far between as I have put on these 20 lbs. An old photo popped up on my facebook and I remember I was 122 that day. I looked so much better then and I can't wait to get back to that point or lower. Maybe then my clothes will fit again. I'm not naïve enough to think that being skinner will make me happy, but I will be happier. I won't cringe seeing photos of myself. I won't be afraid to try on clothes. I just have to stay focused until I can get there.
GW1: 140
The last several days have been very encouraging. My determination has been strong. Someone brought in dark-chocolate reese's to work and while everyone dove in I just stayed busy enough to avoid them. Day four is usually when my willpower tend to trail off and I binge and undo all the progress that I've already made. Also, when yo-yo dieting in the past I tend to plateau at 141.8 for several days and end up binging my way pack up to 147. I have so many reasons to stay on track. I have a friend's wedding coming up. My own birthday is only a few months away. Summer.
My intake has been 600-750 kcal and I've been exercising in the mornings which burn around 500-650. I'm home alone the next two days then I work the weekend. I thought that restricting would be difficult with the 12-hour shifts that I work but having all my meals planned out and pre-made is extremely comforting. Being home alone used to be a huge trigger but today I feel relaxed knowing that I don't have to answer to anyone. My husband is going to a fancy dinner tonight (its a lecture that's sponsored by a drug company) and had invited me to go but I declined. I don't feel like I'm missing out, I just keep thinking about how awful I'm going to feel in the morning after that huge meal. I don't want to subject myself to a 4-course meal covered in oil, butter, sugar, and salt after I've done so well the last several days. If I can just keep on track long enough to break into the 130's I'll know I'm on track and not destined to yo-yo again.
My husband used to make fun of how skinny I was, calling me things like slenderman or praying mantis. Honestly I found this funny and encouraging. Those little nicknames have gradually become fewer and far between as I have put on these 20 lbs. An old photo popped up on my facebook and I remember I was 122 that day. I looked so much better then and I can't wait to get back to that point or lower. Maybe then my clothes will fit again. I'm not naïve enough to think that being skinner will make me happy, but I will be happier. I won't cringe seeing photos of myself. I won't be afraid to try on clothes. I just have to stay focused until I can get there.
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Two years later
MW: 145.8 lbs
GW1: 140
Intake: 625
Exercise: -850 ( walking on inclined treadmill)
Here we go again. I'm not really expecting anyone to read this. I just need to get this out in a safe place.
Sundays are always good days. It's a fresh start and the promise of several good days in a row leading to weight loss is so close. Where have I been? Same old story. Working tons. Going back and forth between restricting and binging. Yo-yoing between the same 5 pounds on the scale.
My "normal" weight is 144. No matter how much I exercise or binge I seem to bounce back to 144. My body strongly resists moving from that number. But I've done it before so I can do it again. Things are a lot harder once you've hit your thirty's!! I used to be able to restrict and lose 5 pounds in a week, easy. But it seems less and less possible. It takes much more effort and control. But I'm finally fed up with being too pudgy.
I have a couple of goals. I have a wedding to go to in early April. If I work hard enough, I can definitely lost 10 lbs by then. My biggest goal for the time being is to be in the 120's by my birthday at the end of may. I would love for all my clothes to fit loose instead of too tight and digging into my lovehandles. I would love for people to compliment my weight loss and comment on how thin I'm looking. I would love to lay down and not feel all the flesh hanging off of my bones instead of the lean frame that I used to have. I still b/p. Not at every opportunity but most of the time when I'm alone. I don't know if I can ever live a life free of mia, as much as I want to.
Some big changes I'm implementing;
1. I purchased a year subscription to Lifesum app for weight loss. It's a cute little app and it'll help me stay on track by tracking calories, macros, and exercise.
2.I've also been watching youtube videos on intermittent fasting. I'm considering this as well however this will be difficult since I'm usually awake and exercising by 5:30 in the morning and I don't get home to eat dinner until 8pm most days. Having a "normal" dinner is imperical because it's the only meal my husband and I eat together. I have to appear to eat normally in front of him to avoid suspicion. I'm hoping to adjust my body to living off of coffee and water in the mornings, a hefty snack in the afternoons, and a moderate supper.
3. Plant based diet. I am transitioning to a vegan diet. I haven't had red meat or pork in over a decade so I'm already used to avoiding most meals with meat in them. I enjoy seafood but I very rarely eat it. Once turning thirty, I cannot stomach dairy anymore so giving this up has been a breeze. I'm not a big pasta or rice eater but I love bread. Staying away from bread will be difficult. I'm also a chocoholic, but if I can stick to 72% cocoa and higher it's not only vegan but it's not completely cutting it out either.
GW1: 140
Intake: 625
Exercise: -850 ( walking on inclined treadmill)
Here we go again. I'm not really expecting anyone to read this. I just need to get this out in a safe place.
Sundays are always good days. It's a fresh start and the promise of several good days in a row leading to weight loss is so close. Where have I been? Same old story. Working tons. Going back and forth between restricting and binging. Yo-yoing between the same 5 pounds on the scale.
My "normal" weight is 144. No matter how much I exercise or binge I seem to bounce back to 144. My body strongly resists moving from that number. But I've done it before so I can do it again. Things are a lot harder once you've hit your thirty's!! I used to be able to restrict and lose 5 pounds in a week, easy. But it seems less and less possible. It takes much more effort and control. But I'm finally fed up with being too pudgy.
I have a couple of goals. I have a wedding to go to in early April. If I work hard enough, I can definitely lost 10 lbs by then. My biggest goal for the time being is to be in the 120's by my birthday at the end of may. I would love for all my clothes to fit loose instead of too tight and digging into my lovehandles. I would love for people to compliment my weight loss and comment on how thin I'm looking. I would love to lay down and not feel all the flesh hanging off of my bones instead of the lean frame that I used to have. I still b/p. Not at every opportunity but most of the time when I'm alone. I don't know if I can ever live a life free of mia, as much as I want to.
Some big changes I'm implementing;
1. I purchased a year subscription to Lifesum app for weight loss. It's a cute little app and it'll help me stay on track by tracking calories, macros, and exercise.
2.I've also been watching youtube videos on intermittent fasting. I'm considering this as well however this will be difficult since I'm usually awake and exercising by 5:30 in the morning and I don't get home to eat dinner until 8pm most days. Having a "normal" dinner is imperical because it's the only meal my husband and I eat together. I have to appear to eat normally in front of him to avoid suspicion. I'm hoping to adjust my body to living off of coffee and water in the mornings, a hefty snack in the afternoons, and a moderate supper.
3. Plant based diet. I am transitioning to a vegan diet. I haven't had red meat or pork in over a decade so I'm already used to avoiding most meals with meat in them. I enjoy seafood but I very rarely eat it. Once turning thirty, I cannot stomach dairy anymore so giving this up has been a breeze. I'm not a big pasta or rice eater but I love bread. Staying away from bread will be difficult. I'm also a chocoholic, but if I can stick to 72% cocoa and higher it's not only vegan but it's not completely cutting it out either.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
MW: 141.6
Calories: 919
Exercise: -723
Sugar: 20g
I woke up extremely triggered this morning. No idea why. Maybe because I didn't plan out today's meal plan like I have all this week. I just wanted to dive head first into the sugary cereal in the pantry. Instead, I took 5 minutes to drink a cup of coffee and come up with a plan. I ended up having a boiled egg and slices of melon, like a good girl. For lunch im having salad. Dinner is salsa chicken, which I have in the crock pot already simmering.
I was home all day catching up on housework which means easy access to the pantry out of boredom. I managed to keep myself occupied throughout the day. I made banana - chocolate chip muffins for work tomorrow because I had a ton of overripe bananas. I did splurge a little and had a few tastes of the batter. Less than what one muffin would have been. It's a total guess on my sugar intake today.
My workout today took every once of energy i had. It was a pretty easy day on the treadmill too! This is my 6th workout in 5 days. The difference is that I'm not binging during the day so I don't have those sugar stores.
Off to read your blogs!
Calories: 919
Exercise: -723
Sugar: 20g
I woke up extremely triggered this morning. No idea why. Maybe because I didn't plan out today's meal plan like I have all this week. I just wanted to dive head first into the sugary cereal in the pantry. Instead, I took 5 minutes to drink a cup of coffee and come up with a plan. I ended up having a boiled egg and slices of melon, like a good girl. For lunch im having salad. Dinner is salsa chicken, which I have in the crock pot already simmering.
I was home all day catching up on housework which means easy access to the pantry out of boredom. I managed to keep myself occupied throughout the day. I made banana - chocolate chip muffins for work tomorrow because I had a ton of overripe bananas. I did splurge a little and had a few tastes of the batter. Less than what one muffin would have been. It's a total guess on my sugar intake today.
My workout today took every once of energy i had. It was a pretty easy day on the treadmill too! This is my 6th workout in 5 days. The difference is that I'm not binging during the day so I don't have those sugar stores.
Off to read your blogs!
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Over the Hump
Made it over the three day hump and through day 4.
However, tomorrow is going to be tough because it's my off day and my husband and I are home together all day. I'm in charge of cooking so maybe, just maybe... I can continue this good streak.
Tuesday was good. Of course the break room was full of cookies and doughnuts. I didn't have any. Today someone brought chocolate cookies and I didn't have a single one. I'm usually a sucker for those.
Tuesdays stats:
MW 141.8 lbs
Calories: 933
Exercise: -569
Sugars: 2g
Today's stats:
MW 142.2 lbs (wtf, ugh)
Intake: 785
Exercise: -1014
Sugars: 7g
I'm not getting cravings the way that I was because I'm not getting the sugar crash associated with a high sugar diet. I'm surprised I haven't been getting headaches from sugar withdrawl! My workouts have taken much more effort though. I've lost the pep in my step during runs. I'm slower and it's a struggle to keep the pace. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period as my body stops depending on sugar for energy.
However, tomorrow is going to be tough because it's my off day and my husband and I are home together all day. I'm in charge of cooking so maybe, just maybe... I can continue this good streak.
Tuesday was good. Of course the break room was full of cookies and doughnuts. I didn't have any. Today someone brought chocolate cookies and I didn't have a single one. I'm usually a sucker for those.
Tuesdays stats:
MW 141.8 lbs
Calories: 933
Exercise: -569
Sugars: 2g
Today's stats:
MW 142.2 lbs (wtf, ugh)
Intake: 785
Exercise: -1014
Sugars: 7g
I'm not getting cravings the way that I was because I'm not getting the sugar crash associated with a high sugar diet. I'm surprised I haven't been getting headaches from sugar withdrawl! My workouts have taken much more effort though. I've lost the pep in my step during runs. I'm slower and it's a struggle to keep the pace. Hopefully this is just an adjustment period as my body stops depending on sugar for energy.
Monday, July 11, 2016
challenge accepted
As promised, here's a wee update.
MW:142.6 lbs
Intake: 758
Exercise: -546 on elliptical
Sugar intake: 11g
I managed to resist the turtle brownies someone left in the break room today. Several hundred calories and the start of what would have been a bad day.
I'm overall pleased with today! I have tomorrow's meal plan already logged into my fitbit app and my lunch is all packed. I only have 5g of processed sugar planned for tomorrow and it comes from salad dressing and seasoning. Everything else is unprocessed.
I haven't been as hungry these last two days. Maybe I'm not having the sugar crash. Maybe it's just mental.
Tuesdays are always bad days. The last several tuesdsys have been spent binging and purging. Probably because I have ready access to sugary foods, too much time on my hands, and little discipline and motivation. Tomorrow's the challenge. Challenge accepted!
MW:142.6 lbs
Intake: 758
Exercise: -546 on elliptical
Sugar intake: 11g
I managed to resist the turtle brownies someone left in the break room today. Several hundred calories and the start of what would have been a bad day.
I'm overall pleased with today! I have tomorrow's meal plan already logged into my fitbit app and my lunch is all packed. I only have 5g of processed sugar planned for tomorrow and it comes from salad dressing and seasoning. Everything else is unprocessed.
I haven't been as hungry these last two days. Maybe I'm not having the sugar crash. Maybe it's just mental.
Tuesdays are always bad days. The last several tuesdsys have been spent binging and purging. Probably because I have ready access to sugary foods, too much time on my hands, and little discipline and motivation. Tomorrow's the challenge. Challenge accepted!
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