Sugar, sugar

MW: 143.8

Yesterday's was 145.8

I keep bouncing around the highest weight I've been in years and I can't seem to muster up the motivation to change it. I'm not even going to pretend like I've forgotten to check in because it's on my mind every day.  My clothes are too tight to wear.  Every morning is a struggle because I feel the belly that never used to be there and think how I'm going to squeeze into my work scrubs.  Yet, I binge at the second a craving comes into my head.

It's dawned on me that I am full blown bulimic again.  I'm only purging one or twice a week,  but I've been exercising like crazy. I'm running 40 miles weekly.  Exercise bulimia is a new one for me. But I'm out of options because I can't always purge my fuck ups. I've also gotten careless.... purging at work,  on the clock when I know the bosses wife watches the cameras like a hawk. I'm going to get caught.  My coworkers may already know but don't know how to approach it.

My plan for this week is to keep up with every calorie on my fitbit app. I already have today and tomorrow's meal plans accounted for.  Also, I'm watching sugar intake for the first time in life. The stuff is poison and my diet is FULL of it. The numerical goal is keeping my processed sugar intake under 30g daily.  This is a major change for me considering I usually start my day with three cups of coffee with 4g of sugar in each!  Today's total is 18g. Tomorrow's is 15g. I'm going to try to check in daily with weight, sugar intake, and overall demeanor.