My weight has been stable, fluttering around 128-130. I've been exercising like crazy but I've also been indulging in too many sweets. Yes I was supposed to give that up for Lent. I've done a horrible job. Sugar absolutely controls me. I'm embarrassed when people walk by at work and I'm eating something sweet. Everyone comments on how wonderful my lunches always look (colorful salads usually). But by late afternoon I'm diving head-first into cookies or something. I feel powerless.
My bf finally got a job with another clinic. It was wonderful to work beside him for these last few weeks but it wrecked havoc on my diet. He wanted to eat three meals a day (can you believe that, haha!). I couldn't skip meals like I usually do on my late nights. I haven't been able to blog either!
I've had the house to myself for a few hours this past week. Of course, what I wanted to do was let loose and devour all the chocolate, key lime pie, brownies, cheese, crackers, crisps, and homemade pizza in the house. No one had to know. Both times, I completely resisted a b/p. I went out for a long workout instead. I don't feel proud of myself though, which is weird because it's a huge accomplishment. Having the house to myself with a full pantry is like handing me a loaded gun and placing my finger on the trigger. Maybe because I haven't had many good days recently and the plateau on the scale has proven it.
Before Christmas I was 124.6 lbs. I'm about 5 and 1/2 lbs heavier then that right now. Why has it taken so long for me to get it back off?! I'm just frustrated with myself because of the lack of control. I don't deserve to lose weight. I don't deserve to be a size smaller because indulging in sweets is nothing short of pathetic. One of my co-workers called me skinny and it actually pissed me off. I wanted to yell "LIAR!!" because I'm not where I want to be.
More than anything... I want control.
oh my fucking gosh bby
ReplyDeletespeaking of sugar controls my life, *puts hands up* me and you, bby. except i avoid colourful salads. so it's just sugar. people actually glare at me and are confused for the amount of sugar that i can put in myself.
i've gained like 1.2lbs in two days. fun isn't it
you are skinnnnny then if someone else called you skinny. true story. i can't imagine you being fat with your height and weight. tell me what you want but i won't believe youuuuuuu and i'm not listening
-Sam Lupin
I dream of not having a full pantry. We've always had lots of food in the house, I could not list it even if I wanted to. As soon as we run out of something, mum buys more, whether it's flour or cereal or chocolate, it's crazy.
ReplyDeleteI'm betting your co-workers don't judge when they see you eating sweets. To most, having a salad for lunch and cookies in the afternoon would signify that thing called moderation. Maybe you could take some sweet cereal bars or something with you? Over here Special K make these amazing choc-caramel bars that are only 90 cals each, they're probably one of my favourite sweet treats.
Take care lovely <3 xx