Struggling

MW: 132

I fasted all day yesterday. I purged. Twice. The bf was at work all day so there was no reason to keep anything down. He's working all day today and tomorrow so I'll cook a delicious dinner to bring to him and either refrain or purge it.

The urge to drink last night was really strong. If it gets to be around 9pm and I'm not sleepy, all I can think about is how badly I want to get obliviously drunk. It's getting so hard to fight. Of course it's better in the morning when I feel normal instead of dizzy, shaking, throwing up water, weak and have a massive headache.

I just wish I could be normal and happy. I can't just be alone. I can't sit still. My brain won't turn off. It never rests.

What makes it worse is that I need a job! I've been looking for months now. You would think that after nine years of university I could just walk into a place and they would hire me. Nope. Fucking economy. I'm a waste of oxygen right now.


//Update\\ Just got back from a run and I'm feeling much better. Amazing what a little sunshine and fresh air can do for a broken spirit or bad day.

Got to keep working on that glorious thigh gap!

B-coffee, boiled egg whites (220)

L-frosted mini wheats and greek yogurt (377)
S-starbucks skinny latte (128)

D-tin of soup (182)

Exercise- 5.3 mile run (-565)