Shitty day

MW: 128.0

Well I didn't meet my goal of 127 today because I had my infamous night time snack of dry cereal around 11 pm last night. I couldn't shake the feeling of hunger. I walked around, shopped, called people, distracted myself for hours. I started browsing pinterest for a while and was overwhelmed with the pictures of avocados, eggs, and low cal recipes. I was looking in the humor section not the food section! Food should have never some up! Anyway. I had four cups of dry cereal but didn't count the calories until today for breakfast. That forces me to be careful for the remainder of the day. I know the reasoning is ridiculous. 

Today at work sucked. Sucked major balls. We had a dead patient upon arrival and two very critically ill patients before 8 am. I euthanized 2 others today. Including one heart failure patient who I've been looking after for the last several weeks. He was a little chihuahua who hated my guts initially but we had grown to respect each other. The owner is autistic. I cried when his mom brought him in because I knew it was time. I hugged her. The cracking of my voice when I'm supposed to be strong is forever going to haunt me. I broke down because I wanted to keep that little guy alive and the owners genuinely tried. They tell you in vet school that you can't save them all, but that never stops you from trying. 

All I had to eat today was coffee, an apple, and a salad from subway (260 kcal) followed by several cookies which I promptly purged in a spare moment at work. That "click" happened after a handful of animal crackers. It's only 120 calories but I hadn't planned for it so I freaked and just kept eating any cookies I could find. I wish I could just forget today.