GW: 125
Well the Christmas party will be on Sunday, which means that I won't get to 120 by then. Also, its not as fancy as I thought so I may not wear the dress I wanted to. Thirdly, the menu is set. Bummer. I would rather being able to just walk around and pick at a few things on a buffet or pretend to eat rather then have four courses put in front of me. I hate proper dinners!
So I posted a photo on facebook a few days ago. It was just a selfie because I had my hair curley. My aunt said commented "you need to eat". That really irritates me. My Aunt is obese (380 lbs) and does not regulate her diabetes. I wanted to comment back "you need to stop eating" but I just deleted her comment instead. Where do people get off poking at people who they think are skinny?? It would have been offensive had I told her to stop putting things in her pie-hole... but she can talk down to me for being thin and no one bats an eye. Huge double-standard.
I don't know how much more weight I'm going to lose before my family makes a big deal about it. My bf is already telling me that I should eat more because my ribs stick out in the back. We don't even have a fucking full-length mirror in the house. The mirrors in store fitting rooms are all rigged to make you look skinnier so that's not accurate either. I have no idea what I really look like.
I go back and forth. Today my calorie total is 776. Yesterday was more like 1500 because we went out to eat and I came home and devoured chocolate. I don't get how my brain works that way?!?! How can I eat fried food one day, then lose my shit and go overboard with sweets... then restrict without a problem the next day? I just want the good days. Only good days.
I want her legs.
OMG I totally get what you mean about people not batting an eyelid. but if you were to Fat Shame" someone... you are a bully? But seriously it pisses me off so much!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your Christmas Party!!! I have started doing this thing were I put a small mouthful of food on my fork then cut it in half. Eat the half and leave the other. No one seems to notice that I only eat 1/3 of the meal.
but good luck :)
i was scrolling down because i comment as i read and then i saw that picture and that comment and went like "Don't we all want her legs"
ReplyDeletei hate being fat at proper dinners
love the food
double standards. what are you going to do about them? i actually like it when someone tells me i'm too thin or something like that and that i need to eat or shit like that BUT DO NOT TELL ME THAT MY FOOD IS THE KIND YOU GIVE TO PATIENTS. fuck off. my parents do this all the time. they comment on my food and say that it's pure hospital food. meh.
i seem to think that you shouldn't lose too much more. like...more than anything i want to be like 117 pounds (just to be able to say that i've lost 100 pounds!) but i know that this is not possible with my family or the people around me. they will not like it at all and one thing i've always thought of is the problem of being at a weight that people are just going to feed you with until you explode.
i don't want to be at a weight that i know people are just going to force feed me at. it's not pretty.
good luck angel x
-Sam Lupin