GW: 127 by Feb 1
I'm going stir-crazy cooped up in this house for two days! Everyone got off of work because the roads are iced and I live in the southern United States where everyone loses their minds if a snowflake hits the ground. Which means that my bf's mom and I have been together for 72-straight-fucking hours. We haven't managed to kill each other yet, so that's good. :-)
I haven't been able to exercise either because of the weather either. I may just suck it up and go for a half hour bike ride just to get out and get some physical activity. It's driving me bonkers that I've had the time to go run but can't because of the black ice.
This morning something "clicked" in my head. I want control more than I want to be thin. Don't get me wrong... I want to lose weight. But I want control of everything that goes in my body more than I want thin. If I had 100% control, thin would naturally follow. Cravings are always going to be there. I'm just going to have to accept that. What gets me into trouble is when I give in just a little and have a little bite of cake. I give up the very control that I want so desperately.
I want control.
Eek, being housebound by such cold weather sounds awful, but I can't imagine you'd want to be out for too long in that sorta weather anyway!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could find some exercises to do inside? I love my aerobic step, but even things like leg lifts or jumping jacks might sate your need to be active.
I can totally relate to needing control over my food/weight, more than wanting to be thin just for the sake of it. Just make sure it's really you staying in control, not the ED, yes?
All the best with trying not to kill your bf's mom. If she's anything like my ex's mum, it won't be easy :P
xx
i say big-boned. all the time. i am big-boned. that explains my measurements. i am still fat (unfortunately :( cries).
ReplyDeleteICED ROADS.
LIKE A CAKE. THATS WHAT I THOUGHT OF WHEN I READ THAT
"Which means that my bf's mom and I have been together for 72-straight-fucking hours. We haven't managed to kill each other yet, so that's good. :-)" tehehehe.
"I want control more than I want to be thin. Don't get me wrong... I want to lose weight. But I want control of everything that goes in my body more than I want thin." thank you. i get this sometimes. sometimes, it's like "I WANT CONTROL." and other times for me its like "I JUST WANT TO BE THIN. FUCK ALL. I DON'T CARE IF I GET THERE EATING LOADS OR NOT AT ALL."
and also, you made me smile with your comment. i am going to actually open it and reply to it. sigh. i'm going to try melatonin. i do not know if i can find it here. i am going to ask my Father for it because the antihistamines are very harsh on me and i eat like a pig on them. xxx
-Sam Lupin
PS. i love you. like loads.