GW: 127 by Feb 1
After running for an hour yesterday, I gained a pound and a half?? I had a light soup for dinner last night. I wasn't stuffed by any means, in fact I was hungry at bed time! Maybe it was the sodium content? I sure do hope so because I was so close to my goal yesterday.
Today was good. I usually don't have good days on Fridays. Usually someone brings in a cake and I lose my willpower around 3 o'clock. I bring a packed lunch every day but I'm powerless against sweets. I want February to be my month. My month of getting control back. I want control! Someone offered me a candy bar today but I declined. A small part of me wanted a bite but I just kept thinking of the feelings of hatred and defeat that comes along with that one bite of candy bar.
I work in a 7-doctor practice which is huge for the veterinary world. One client came in and couldn't remember my name so she asked the receptionist for the "tall, skinny doctor with freckles". Hehe, that made my day. It's nice to have a tiny bit of encouragement every now and again.
This afternoon I had an episode where I was completely overwhelmed for no real reason. I'm so terrified of making a mistake that I go over medications, dosages, diagnosis, everything in my head over and over again. Some days are worse than others and today I was just a big ball of anxiety. It obscures my thinking to where I can't concentrate. I don't want to be on medication for anxiety (although I'm sure I would benefit from it). Ultimately it's a problem if I start making mistakes because my head is so clouded with worry! My bf doesn't believe in taking pills. I mean nothing, not even for a headache. I'm not even on birth control. Must be nice, truly a 20-something year old who has never ever had an issue with mental illness. I wish it were just that easy to believe that you don't need pills. I don't think I'm at the point where I need them to function properly, but I do think I could benefit from anti-anxiety medication. Or maybe I just need another hobby.
Intake: 887
No offense, but pills can be really helpful as long as they're not abused/over-prescribed =3 like birth control pills have tons of benefits!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on having a good friday <3
If nothing else works go for medication, you deserve to feel well :) Good for you for running for so long an hour is unbelievable!
ReplyDeletefuck. the body is crap. that's whats wrong bby
ReplyDeletei love how powerless you are to sweets. i find that incredibly adorable. i don't know why. i'm powerless to sodium *cries*.
TALL, SKINNY DOCTOR. HOT. HOT. HOT.
wait.
you have freckles? that is so bloody hot.
i think you do might need pills. if you do, they're worth trying. everything's worth trying a bit.
i wish you all the good things. i hope you feel better today xx
-Sam Lupin
Sodium can be a killer for water retention. Give it a couple of days, I'm sure it'll go back down.
ReplyDeleteThat anxiety sounds awful :( It might be worth looking into medication. Please don't let your boyfriend's beliefs get in the way of your health. Sometimes pills can be the helping hand we need. They're not a cure-all, but your anxiety about making mistakes sounds crippling. Just because you *can* function without medication doesn't mean you *should*, and it sounds like you could really benefit from them.
I can't imagine what it's like to have no mental health issues whatsoever. Just... yeah, no idea.
Try to take care of yourself as best you can, yes? I hope today's better for you xx