MW: 131.0
129 after my run because it was as hot as balls outside and I was sweating like a mofo.
Remember a few days ago when I said I wouldn't be able to purge here because I cant risk getting caught? Well you should never say never. It wasn't even a binge. I had a salad for dinner. That's it. Maybe 200 calories. Nothing to get upset about. But I knew there were M&M's in the pantry. So I grabbed a handful. Then another. Then I went to the candy dish and had a few reese's cups. The whole time one voice was desperately telling me to stop and another was saying to get rid of it. Ultimately I went to "shower" and got rid of it. Didn't take very long because it wasn't a lot of food. I hadn't purged for a while and my throat was sore afterwards. And note to self... the new toilets don't flush very forcefully.
I don't want to purge anymore. It's humiliating. I turn into a vicious monster once that little something "clicks". For me it's a sudden click that fires in my head. I have to get rid of this NOW! I don't want that life anymore. I want to be healthy and strong. Long, lean muscles rather than all bones. I want to be in control of what goes into my body. But then again, I want to be able to eat a handful of M&M's and not have it ruin my whole week.
I'm going to visit my parents in Houston next week. Last time I was there I purged nearly every night. I was also about 7 lbs heavier. (Seriously?? I've only lost 7 lbs since February?!)
I haven't been using the FatSecret app on my phone either. I will start using that again. It gives me a sense of normalcy.
B: coffee, milk, sugar (67)
L: salad with tuna (200)
D: split pea soup?? (450)
S: cup of grapes (120)
Exercise: 4.5 mile run, 1 mile walk (-550)
someone took the temperature of their balls once. yeah. i totally believe that it was as hot as balls.
ReplyDelete'you should never say never.' uh oh. i can tell that this wowuld be bad. if it helps you, Reese's are literally the devil. i know.
oh for me. i have to eat a considerable amount to purge. is that strange? maybe. maybe not.
7lbs since Feb is a lot bb ok
it's June isn't it? I've lost...about 8lbs in 2 months. more or less a pound a week. and i eat like I've never eaten i swear to fuck. i just don't gain weight and lose it depending on the foods that i do eat (masses of junk food fucks sake).
i really want a doughnut. badly. i might tell my Father this so he can help me out with this one
or a quiche or a croissant or an Oreo brownie. i should leave now because i'm not doing any of us any favours x
-Sam Lupin
I refse to keep candy in the hose for that exact reason. I wouldn't have any control. It's weird though, because if I see anything in large amonts, it turns me off of it immediately.
ReplyDeleteReeses are my favorite candy. I love anything with peanut butter. I love peanut butter!
Try eating just one, then go and brush your teeth straight away. By the time you feel how clean your mouth it, it won't want to ruin it with more chocolate.
If yo still can't pull away from the candy jar, drink a huge glass of water and go for a walk. Some of these things help me.
Most importantly, remember that those chocolates are not needed to live. Do you live to eat?
It's okay to enjoy a piece of chocolate or so a day. But more than a handful is never needed.
Stay strong, twin. I'm right here.