Weight @ 8am: 136.8
Weight @ 8pm: 133.0
How in the fuck does that happen?
Haven't exercised. And I did purge dinner. But 3.8 lbs? How did I gain that much and lose it in just a few hours?
I'm currently visiting my folks who live about 6 hours away. I packed my scale. Who the hell does that? That's not normal. Most people go on vacation and happily gain 10 pounds. I'm terrified that I will gain the 10 lbs that it's just taken me months to lose!
I saw my brother for the first time in 3 years. We used to be so close but he joined the Marine Corps, got married, and we both moved away. He lost a shit ton of weight in bootcamp... 200 lbs. But he's gained it all back plus more. His wife has gained a lot of baby weight. My dad has gained more than 100 lbs. My mom has gained so much weight too. Those of you who keep up with my blog know that she was diagnosed with anorexia-purging type many years ago. She got down to 80 lbs then was hospitalized for months. She still has eating issues but I can't believe how big she's gotten. I would NEVER EVER tell her that she's overweight. Anyone who has ever had an eating disorder is hyper-aware of what they look like anyway. I can see how uncomfortable she is with her food. She wears baggy clothes, almost like pajamas. She hasn't said anything about my weight loss but I've caught her noticing more than once.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I can't believe my whole family has managed to have an eating disorder. Purging, bingeing, starving... none of us are normal.
Despite the food issues I'm having a wonderful time. I got to meet my nephew who brings so much joy to everyone. I could just eat him up (no pun intended)!! I've always been close to my dad. My mom and I have always had a very hot-and-cold relationship but things are good now.
I was hovering around 135 a few months ago and now I'm hovering around 130. Not good enough. I see the scale register 13_ and I immediately have a bad day. 12_ is good but 13_ is grounds to be grumpy.
My whole family has eating issues too. It sucks to watch and then it sucks worse when they watch you and take note of your weight.
ReplyDelete133 is still better than 136.8 and I'm sure you will reach a better place soon.
And I am glad that you got to see your family and spend some time with them.
xoxo
my guess is a lot of water weight. you may have went to the bathroom. :3
ReplyDeleteYES. exactly. i might be going on vacation to another country, and i cannot pack my scales because my Father will stare at me. and that is literally petrifying. so i have to settle with eating properly - coming back and possibly weighing lighter.
fucking petrifying. asdfghjkl;
ah. my whole family is all fat. have always been fat. and that's it.
and i'm glad for the nephew and Mother thing! (though i loathe children fuck them)
and aw. it's alright. don't think of it that way. think of the fact that you're lower now. and you can always go down honey xo
-Sam Lupin