MW: 131.2
Well I guess the good thing about living with a crazy suspicious nurse is that I haven't purged. I can't risk getting caught. I've been eating "normal" dinners most nights but I've been lucky enough to get out of eating breakfast and lunch. Although by the time I have my coffee (with milk + sugar) and a banana I'm already at 350 calories by dinnertime. I was going to go for a run but there's supposed to be a bad thunderstorm heading in. Maybe tonight.
Last night my bf's mom made gnocci with alfredo sauce. No thank you!! Luckily she put sausage in it so I weaseled out of that one. I do truly appreciate her cooking for us and I took her aside yesterday and thanked her. I said "I want you to know that I appreciate everything you do. Please don't ever think that I'm not grateful just because I don't eat red meat." She said that she would start asking me ahead of time if I don't eat something so she won't get offended when I don't eat it. PROGRESS!! Then she asked me to make potato salad for lunch. Oh fuck me. I don't eat mayo and potatoes are just a waste of calories. *sigh* I used to love potato salad. Now all I can see is a fat laden binge waiting to happen.
Speaking of fat-laden bingefests.... there is a candy jar full of fucking reese's peanut butter cups, hershey's kisses, mini chocolate bars, and other candies. I've managed to keep away from it with the exception of Sunday. I ate 7 or 8 pieces then had that strong urge to purge. I didn't. I kept it. I deserved to live with the calories as punishment. There are also two... TWO pantries full of food. Snacks, poptarts, candy, chips, and everything else for a bulimic to go to town. I keep telling myself that I'm different now. I can't purge anymore. I can't keep living that life. I should have better control of my eating. I can control what I eat. I eat to live not live to eat. Repeat, repeat, repeat!
I take my state board exam on the 2nd and start my job on the 3rd!! They even said I can do most surgeries if I wanted because the surgeon is burnt out. I'm so happy to finally have my career started. I'm looking forward to getting a house in the next year too. When did I become a grown up?
B: coffee, milk, sugar (89)
L: veggies and light dressing (120)
S: tea, sugar (15)
D:
can i borrow your weight
ReplyDeletegood on you for not purging. i'm glad for that. you tall ass. (sorry i'm jealous i'm 5'2"!)
omg gnocchi. i want it. omg potatoe salad is literally the death.
okay give me the jar.
problems olved.
ohhhhh grown up Scarlett! that is thinner and taller than me. fuck you (i'm sure you are very attractive).
omg. i thought it was just me that made coffee that isn't 25kcal. i used to be so weirded out because of it.
btw your high weight is one of my lower weights. faq you ok <3
my low weight is 142.5 and my high weight is *drumroll* 217. can you imagine
-Sam Lupin
Sam, she is beautiful. Inside and out. One of the most beautiful people I have ever known. ...she is also my twin.
ReplyDeleteOh, Hi, Twin! Such a wonderful job you are doing. I laughed about how you are actually not trying not to eat what she is making, but she keeps making things you don't eat! Even if you didn't have an E.D, a person would have accused you of it. HAHA! -sorry, the irony was killing me.
You are amazing, lady! keep up the good work and stay strong!
P.s: I didn't text you over the peanut butter thing because I was so ashamed. :( I never wanted to let you down.