There's no fucking way I gained 12 lbs in 36 hours. So I went out and bought a scale. It's stainless steel and accurate within .2 lbs. My weight was 132.8 (after eating breakfast and lunch). Trying not to think about it...
No one has said anything about my weight loss. Not my grandmother, my bf's parents, or anyone. I was a little disappointed but it is a huge relief actually. I guess I still have a lot of work to do.
My bf's mom NEVER listens to me when I say I don't want to eat something. I kid you not... she'll fill my plate up regardless of if I'm hungry. It's really pissing me off!!! I told her I didn't want dinner because we had a late lunch together which I was still full (which was true). She ordered me a fried fish sandwich anyway. WTF.
Conversation at breakfast this morning:
Her: Do you want some orange juice?
Me: No thanks, I'm on my second cup of coffee.
Her: *takes out glass* Here I'll pour you one anyway in case you change your mind.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!
Her: Do you want a second waffle?
Me: No thanks, I'm still working on the first one.
Her: *plops a second waffle on my plate* Well you don't know when you'll eat lunch.
I'll eat lunch at lunchtime. I don't have to stuff myself at every meal. What is wrong with people?! Why are people so afraid of going hungry?!
I skipped dinner. Back on track starting NOW. I go out to lunch with my new boss tomorrow. This is scary on top of terrifying, lol! I don't know where we are going for lunch. I don't know the food or calories. I don't know what my bf's mom is cooking for dinner or how much she'll pile on my plate. I have to keep focus now more than ever. Keep my eyes on my goals. I need you guys more than ever.
as to response to your question on my blog: definitely intake and thoughts more-so. possibly weight and body pics.
ReplyDeletei'm not into thinspo. it's triggering especially since i am attempting recovery (which is why i am very careful about the blogs i follow. your weight and height usually would be a 'get out of this blog' sort of thing with me) but i think i've come at ease with your writing and weight talks and so on so i'm fine with your blog (and read it from top to bottom may i add!)
awwwwwwwwww let me save you the trouble: a girl in depression that talks far too much about how fat she is and overreacts far too often for other's liking.
now, to comment on your post:
even if you were 140 even, you'd weigh less than i must have weighed at 10 (i weighed 180 at 12 dont try with me ok)
gain 12lbs in 36 hours! sounds like a weight gain regime targeted to men that are desperate to be bulky.
relief! definitely. oh my gosh. just looking into the mirror and thinking i lost weight makes people suddenly go like 'fuck you. did you lose weight' sort of thing
yup.
oh my gosh your boyfriend's Mum is the equivalent of my extended family. if i say no to my grandmother, she'd still bring out three plates of food and telll me to eat. fuck.
i'm very very very against stuffing yourself endless in one meal. one it's uncomfortable. two, i have this thing about eating every few hours and i cannot do that if my breakfast is 1500 calories. no. fuck. i'm a perilous snacker!
we're here then, honey.
if she piles on your plate, scrape half of it onto hers when you're done (just an evil thought)
-Sam Lupin
I agree with the last part of Sam's comment. How does she feel she has the right to tell you when and how much to eat?!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you are making it through that. When I first went back to Michigan to visit my mother (who is always trying to stuff me) I weighed 117lbs. The last time I saw her, I weighed 132lbs.
She was constantly stuffing food in my face and "are you hungry?" I finally broke down. I was eating any and everything to make her happy. To stop her from worrying about me.
It's funny how people will so selfishly put themSELVES into OUR eating. What the actual fuck!?
"*I* really would like for you to try to eat something." "It hurts *ME* to see you not eating."
Where do these people get off??? I came back to Columbus just ONE YEAR later, weighing 145lbs. I had gained almost 30. fucking. pounds.
You're an adult, darling. You have to let them know that you appreciate the way they feel and that they are concerned. But seriously, who eats that much? That is absolutely insane!
I'm just a text away, twin. I always will be.
Stay strong.